I’ve read some right BS this week on LinkedIn as per usual. Those micromanaging bellends who have parking spots with their name and status on giving it large about working from home. They know that they can’t utter “Have you got a minute?” to keep the office, school, business in fear and have had to relinquish control so they don’t die from their infected underlings.

There’s been truly ridiculous advice; I’ll give you a flavour so you don’t have to hunt out these dimfluencers and be sick in your mouth.

Here goes:

  1. Dress as if you’re going to work.

  2. Call your staff regularly and email them consistently.

Now there were more – but oddly enough, I’ve been blocked for going Karl Pilkington on their threads.

But let me just address the two I recall and add my thoughts as a freelancer who ditched the commute and water cooler politics almost 5 years ago.

Dress as if you’re going to work, not working from home

WTAF. You’re working from home. You don’t need to follow some archaic dress code. I used to get hung up on this when I left the suit and tie game but the only suit I put on now is a tracksuit, namely tracksuit pants. I have a wardrobe dripping with swooshes and stripes. Why? They’re comfortable, warm. I can switch from web design and writing to dog walking in a jiffy. I’m not quite one of those people who have to wear trackies as they’re too rotund for normal leg wear. I choose to wear them. Above this, I wear some nice t shirts and fleeces – the usual roadman suspects of The North Face, Patagonia and Carrhart. I wear Birkenstocks without socks indoors too, without shame and Veja or Gazelles or Meindl when I go out.

If you’re working from home, ram raid JD Sports and throw off the bellendery of corporate wear. Trust me, you’ll enjoy trackies and sliders way more than a suit and shoes.

Call your staff regularly who are working from home

Oh give them a break. Most of your team would sooner contract Coronavirus than have to meet you daily. I’m sure as well when this pandemic recedes, a lot of people will muse on just how shit going to work is. I’m hopeful that all these people perched in dedicated home offices, lounge sofas and kitchen tables will have a Homer Simpson epiphany and see the light of Working From Home. Trust me, there’s no better way of living than reworking remotely without bosses. I’m hoping the order books for websites, copywriting and digital marketing will explode when everyone experiences working from home.

Here’s some tips I’d give for working from home

You don’t have to have a dedicated workspace, though I have an absolute beauty of a shrine to Apple. You do need to learn to clock out mentally and physically as I’d say the biggest difference is this:

At work, you practise work avoidance strategies. At home, you work your nuts off.

Find your circadian rhythm

I work best after the daily school run from 9 til 12 pm then I go into a slumber, sometimes napping, often pissing around online, or going to Bannatyne’s for a swim or a long dog walk and I don’t start work again until after 6pm – which often runs until 10 pm as clients, those poor bastards who have to work, need me most at night and luckily I’m productive and motivated then. I work a 7 hour day, 7 days a week. Sometimes I do more, sometimes less. I diversify to maximise income streams too.

The point is: I choose my time and clients I work with. You will develop a bellend radar if you decide to go freelance too.

Holidays

Holidays aren’t eagerly counted down to, as work for me is so wonderful. If we go on a city break to Edinburgh or Madrid, I take my Apple merch and still work – I just do it in a different place. My idea of heaven, when teaching, was two weeks in the Canaries, laid poolside, now I’d find that hell. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a slave to freelance but your income quickly evaporates if you treat weekends and official school holidays as complete shutdown. I love earning well, so I work hard, even on holidays.

Finally, if you sample working from home, whilst Lord Farquand our PM, allows some of you to die, contact me and I’ll put together an enticing proposition with a website, social media and search engined optimised content that will cost less than a week in Lanzarote but will change your life more than that all inclusive wristband that signals you as alcohol dependent (like I was)!

Contact me today – even in Adidas trackies and without your bellend boss knowing.