I left teaching three years ago, but education still clings to me like barnacles on a rock and no matter what waves hit me, I still consciously and subconsciously see myself as a teacher of English.

It defined me for 27 years so that’s to be expected?

Now don’t let that title mislead you, if you’re reading this a CEO of an Academy chain (headteachers in old money) or as a Lead Learner of English (Head of Department in my mind) – I have no intentions of donning slacks and sports jacket, M and S suit and tie, and abandoning my sloppy daywear to enter a school or Academy to teach, even though I was good at it.

And don’t see this an act of munificence either.

I am doing any school in England, Wales, Scotland a big favour in that I will unburden your English department of setting exams and that onerous GCSE marking.

For money of course.

You have one or two or three people missing in your department and you, as Head of Department, are already strained and the last thing you need is an Assessment calendar reminding you that English and Literature exams now take place every term in Years 10 and 11 and you’re expected to set them, mark them, record the data and extract some development points out of them.

I used to mark all the department exams for my English teams from 2002 onwards to unburden colleagues and provide consistent standards.

Teachers loved me GCSE marking 200 exams frequently for them and the students knew they’d been assessed objectively.

I mark now for four exam boards up to A level, not for love but because I find it reasonably enjoyable, I’m quick at it and it pays well.

Okay I couldn’t buy a second home in north Norfolk (or even a set of new teeth) from the income but it does keep me in cornflakes and phone upgrades and it keeps exam boards and the 7 English departments I now mark for reasonably sane.

So what do I charge, I hear you ask, in these days of ongoing educational austerity?

£4 per script.

Plus post and packing.

You’ve got 180 in Year 11 sitting two mock exams in February: send all 360 to me in Great Yarmouth and I’ll invoice you for £1440 and you’ll have them back, with a spreadsheet of results, an exam report, and comments on scripts, within 2 weeks.

Now don’t get too envious of that: I pay tax on it and given that they take me 12 days; I’m still earning net about £100 a day – or the cost of a supply teacher per day when you as Head of Department or one of your team cracks.

I know the pressure and strains of teaching – I’ve got several T shirts for it.

So if you’re reading this on any social media channels and I’ve piqued your curiosity about GCSE marking of English papers, give me a bell anytime on my mobile and if I’m not asleep, or marking, or writing content, I’ll answer.

I’ve got enhanced CRB certification and it’s portable meaning I carry it everywhere.

And please no supply agencies – I’ve done my time at the chalkface and have no desire to return!