Illy coffee is my new wine, and chain coffee is arse gravy

Illy coffee is my new wine, and chain coffee is arse gravy.

Let’s just look at my daily caffeine intake: 6.45 I rise to shine to knock out a feeble boost of Earl Grey, and I ruin it by adding both sugar and milk – not to builder proportions but enough to drown the delicate Bergamot. Shocking I know.

Mid morning, after I’m employed as an unpaid Uber driver by son and daughter, I plunge head first into caffeine after my breakfast toe-dip with the Earl.

Illy coffee, no less.

In a tin, which has a satisfying whoosh when I pull the ring pull on it, for the first time.

Simple things please simple minds.

That Illy 100% Arabica smell too.

It would sell a dilapidated terraced home in Middlesbrough on that scent alone.

Two dessert spoons in the Bialetti stove top, a quick tighten, timer set for 4 minutes and milk frother prepped.

One sugar, large measure of coffee hotter than me in Speedos, hot semi skimmed lavished on top.


An ex-pupil, who was in my first form group in 1987 at Crompton House, Oldham, remarked that seeing me drink instant coffee would be akin to watching an episode of “I’m a Celebrity” – Peter Shipton knows me so well.

I don’t do instant and increasingly I shun those two coffee behemoths: Costa and Starbucks.


When you’ve sampled Illy stovetop, their fare tastes akin to arse gravy: weak, tasteless and overpriced.

It wasn’t always thus however.

I did used to drink crap coffee at home and out until Rome.

Booking an AirBnB last October in a fancy apartment there, we were greeted with a full tin of Illy, a gluten free chocolate cake and a Bialetti stove top.

The Italians know how to greet guests and since then I’m quite happy to spend £30 a month on Illy.



Worth it?


So if you’re ever near Bradwell in Great Yarmouth, don’t stop for a ubiquitous cup of brown slop at a garage or chain coffee store, call at 11 Colby Drive (look for diggers) and I’ll prove that Norfolk is actually Illy.


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